Epilogue

I'm going to begin this post with a recap.  We started this series with a description of a data collection project that we conducted on the outskirts of Parowan.  Specifically, we counted aluminum cans dumped in the ditch along 1.5 mile segments of two area roads.  Along with those data, we recorded the availability and pricing of mass-market suitcase beer in Parowan.  Putting those two bits of information together eventually lead us to a consideration of the economics of drinking behavior, which lead us further to consider why some of the behavior seems irrational, at least from a cost and calorie standpoint.  This post is going to be a speculation on irrational behavior.  Nothing in this post has been proven.  This is conjecture.

Before we begin, let us list our assumptions.  These assumptions have been generated by our consideration of the data.  Nonetheless, we do not consider them "proved."  In other words, we think they are justified, but we are aware that our sampling design, including  the lack of a control as well as missing information about, among other things, traffic volume, leaves us without proof.

*The presence of 899 aluminum cans along three miles of road that we surveyed in the Parowan Valley is an extraordinary amount of trash, especially when we consider that Rural Ways has collected several hundred cans for recycling along both segments in the past two years.  Put simply, our first assumption is that the amount of can trash is more than normal, more than what we should expect.  (Granted, we have not sampled in Kentucky or Tennessee, so we could be wrong—and those who have ever lived in or visited those two states will know what I mean.)

*The cans that we counted were from drinks purchased locally.  Specifically, there are two places to buy suitcase beer in Parowan.  And we believe that most, if not all, of the beer can trash is being generated by purchases at these two locations.

*Drinkers of mass-market suitcase beer, despite its low alcohol content in Utah, are drinking it for the effect.  That is, we do not believe that buyers of 18 can suitcases of Natty Light are drinking it for the excellent flavor.  We believe that most of our beer drinkers and beer can tossers are engaged in the pursuit of buzz.

Given these assumptions, and the rest of the data we have presented, the question remains, what is going on?  Our best guess is that these data demonstrate that there are some closet drinkers in the area.  In other words, someone is buying, drinking, and tossing beer cans so as not to get caught consuming alcohol.  This is drinking that is designed to be hidden from someone.  Well.  Like.  From whom?  The easiest answer is parents.  I mean, what high school senior has not spent an evening sneaking around with the gang trying to drink a six-pack undetected?  (Please do not let my daughter read this post.)  Part of the Parowan area can trash is undoubtedly underage drinking.  But does that explain it all?  Again, without a control, it is tough to say, but we think there is more trash than a couple of wild high-schoolers can be dumping—especially because this is a small town where everybody knows everybody and it is not legal for high-schoolers to buy it.  Dare we say it?  We think that the position of the church regarding the consumption of alcohol may be pushing otherwise legal drinking underground.  There.  In this case, the "church" is the LDS church.  (Full disclosure:  Nearly all of our neighbors and friends are LDS.  We have a lot of respect for the LDS community and believe that LDS people make the best friends and neighbors in the world.  So, this is by no means an attack on anything LDS.)  If someone with a Mormon affiliation of some kind, either through blood or marriage, is interested in having a little drink on the side, how is he or she going to do it?  He can't go to the liquor agency—it sits directly in the middle of town between the city office and the bank.  He is going to stop at the TA to buy gasoline—nothing wrong with that—and quickly slip a suitcase of the Beast into his truck.  He is going to drive a lonely country road with the window down, chugging half the suitcase and tossing all the evidence out the window.  He is going to stop at the end of the road and put the remaining six cans in his work cooler, at the bottom under the Mountain Dew.  He is going to chew a bunch of gum for the rest of his commute.  He is going to arrive home for dinner, where some member of the domestic community would not appreciate the consumption of alcohol, with a bit of a buzz.  He is going to say little, do a few chores, and fall asleep early.

Is any of the foregoing true?  Honestly, we don't know.  But, we think it might partially account for the high volume of can trash around Parowan.  Do we care?  In other words, do we have a moral problem with people maybe drinking a little beer on the down low?  Absolutely not.  About the only criticism that we might have at the end of this whole experiment is that we don't like trash, and this particular behavior creates a lot of trash.